What do troubled relationships or toxic relationships look like? Visibly toxic? Nah! They are famous love stories, sometimes. Shahid Kapoor or Vijay Deverakonda (depending on which one you are watching), bloodshot eyes in a drunken brawl, ciggy hanging from the corner of his mouth, macho and protective of his woman, grabs her hand, move across the frame unilaterally announcing that he likes her. She too confers. And the hall breaks out in whistles and appreciative clapping. He got her!
Message: All a man needs to get his woman is to Tell Her.
Control is not love. Dot. It is not care, not a concern. Just abuse. Carefully camouflaged, it’s a tool used to establish control and fear in a relationship through acts of violence.
Mean comments about an outfit, a comparison to someone of eminence, a public showdown, a fun insult, to the more obvious physical, sexual assault, psychological manipulation, social discredit, financial demands, and dismissals are all bad relationships signs.
The problem is we don’t see it for what it is. We want to believe it’s our partner’s way of showing concern, or that it has happened once, will never happen again and, if it’s not physically hurtful, it’s not really abused. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. The worst part about toxic relationships is it’s not physically painful, mostly.
Violence and abuse in intimate relationships are more present and real than most acknowledge. And that is because we are forever cutting the other person slack to ‘save’ a relationship.
From using concealers in our justifications to tubes in our makeup, we use all tools available to deny the presence of dominance in our intimate connections.
And now, with our lives going more online than offline, ‘hard hitting’ has a new meaning.
Photographs were covertly taken and/or posted online without consent, online stalking, quoting online conversations in public fora, checking on your conversations with others, just a few samples of online harassment that ‘partners in love’ deal with every day. The reality is, they are all signs your relationship is toxic.
Doing stuff online and offline to cause hurt harm and distress – all abuse Baby, and guess what, no gender has an exclusive right over it – be it in the giving or receiving.
So next time when you see a possessive hero tell a heroine she cannot talk to anyone else and you are mine alone, feel free to throw up in the theatre itself.
There is no scope of any Exclusive Rights clause in a relationship. So, as soon as you see warning signs of a toxic relationship that makes you feel bad about yourself – HIT IT – the Delete button!
Don’t become a messiah cum therapist. “I’ll make a beautiful person out of them”, let it be Momma Teresa.
Don’t make any excuses for Violence – “I’m so sorry – my boss f*^%ed me up”, nor take any, “I understand you, honey, promise me you’ll never do it again”. Don’t make nor take any excuses for violence!
If you want to know how to get over a controlling relationship, we will definitely cover it elaborately in the upcoming blogs.