Frequently Asked Questions

Frequently Asked Questions Hide
  1. 1. What Is the Right Way of Using Condoms?
  2. 2. Are condoms the best way to avoid STIs? Yes!
  3. 3. Is ‘erection spray’ the right solution for staying longer during sex?
  4. 4. Are porn movies worth taking inspiration from?
  5. 5. Men and Women Masturbation! To do or not to do?
  6. 6. Is home remedy the ideal solution in every case?
  7. 7. Why you must stop self diagnosis TODAY?
  8. 8. What’s the right and the best way of dealing with hurtful rejections?
  9. 9. Is getting a BIKINI WAX the right thing to do?
  10. 10. Healthy is sexy! The new mantra we all must follow.
  11. 12. Is female virginity that a bigger deal?
  12. 12. Are you faking it to satisfy your man’s ego? Stop right there!
  13. 13. Can ORAL SEX be the cause of HIV and OS?
  14. 14. How to keep your consent game on point? No guess work please!
  15. 15. How to tackle ghosting?
  16. 16. Let’s break the long prevailed myths around men stereotypes.
  17. 17. It’s time we give our immunity and health the much needed attention!
  18. 18. Call It Out
  19. 19. A kid came over
  20. 20. Find out if you are in love or not. Clear signs!
  21. 21. Casual sex is a thing of the past now? Let’s innovate some creative online ways!
  22. 22. Content too complicated to follow and understand.
  23. 23. Are you emotionally feeling sad? Here’s the reason why?
  24. 24. Who will decide what’s the ACCEPTED way of dressing up?
  25. 25. When you have something to say or share, is your partner available or interested?
  26. 26. Never lose yourself when trying to fit in someone else’s life.
  27. 27. Too many opinions can be harmful to you!
  28. 28. Bygones Better Gone
  29. 29. Social misfits or trying too hard to be different to fit in?
  30. 30. Is loneliness the right reason for getting married?
  31. 31. The initial signs of cheating to pay close heed to!
  32. 32. In the journey of finding love, is ignoring your friends acceptable?

1. What Is the Right Way of Using Condoms?

So here is a quick guide on what to and what to not do. 

Don’t you think you ought to have read up on all this earlier? Not just outside your partner’s home, in the lift or parking lot!  So quick check, if you are going to be doing it, please, there is nothing called Dubs and Trips in the condom lexicon. 

Double or triple will not enhance the protection, it will cause friction and bust the condom and it will surely half the fun, if that – condom hai not bubble wrap

Then, NO fishing it out from your sock –neither is that a safe, nor is it sexy at all. A mood buster, FoSho!  Condoms do not belong in socks, feet do and condoms are not for feet! They need to be kept in a cool comfy non sweaty zone – so, please!! 

And for the record – it’s a condom – not a time bomb. Check expiry, check manufacture, latex, check lubricated. And then check yourself out too mate, hopefully, you’ve had a bath and brushed your teeth and nothing smells bad and all discharges have been attended to, before you ring that bell…otherwise ji, the only bell you will be ringing, is an Icon. 

2. Are condoms the best way to avoid STIs? Yes!

Not new news – the surest way of not getting one- don’t have sex. Ever! Now that’s safe – and I guess for many, Dull as a dreary day.

So getting sexual is pretty much like jumping into an Infinity pool – you are going to get drenched – but you needn’t get sucked into an STI typhoon – do you?.

There are precautions you know. The top of the charts, The ever-faithful – NO – Not the partner – The condom. Dip it only once you slip it – ON.

The condom I mean. Now don’t be so naïve when the partner says – “I have been saving it up for you… let’s not cover up” !! RED FLAG WARNING!!

Due Diligence needed Bro! The problem is – when we love, the trust button kinda gets activated on its own and that’s how it ought to be.

Nonetheless, Condoms and safety from STIs needn’t become a mistrust issue with either of you – it’s a safety issue – for both of you.

Finally, the good word in any relationship, “take off”. Get a test – both of you – and everyone is good to go. Boom Boom, Shake the Room, again!

3. Is ‘erection spray’ the right solution for staying longer during sex?

Dahling! What better turn on than talking sex, talking naughty, dirty, lovey-dovey, about the body, and parts about spills and spark – basically Talking. However, it seems someone has spread a rumor!

That spray’s help! Eh, Yaa, maybe the body spray fragrance, sexy perfume Eau cologne type – ( users warning on this one too)  not the spray-on penis kind – hell you don’t need spray to keep it propped up.

So the issue is not about the spray, but rather you feel you need to use one as a, You know – keep the building from the falling situation. So here’s the dope. They are Dope. The spray is no solution nor “cure”. It’s a cool anesthetic type of action – it freezes the area – you stay up longer, but it also dulls the sensation.

Now you tell me. What would you rather – a shorter period of real raunchy skin-on-skin action or a longer phase of on and on and no but no real feel to it?

Let your body do what it has, address the weak erection matter – and don’t reach for that “assured” can of performance enhancement spray – nothing enhances an act of love and sex as much as being Up Front about it!!

4. Are porn movies worth taking inspiration from?

There are two categories in this world … porn lovers and porn diss’ers! And by and large, never te Twain shall meet. Lovers – lap it up, suck it in, sponge it all – they love it more than anything – like it’s a lifeline, life without it is is Ekdum Akejo (for you nonliterary, in the words of Thakur Tagore, that’s useless.).

The Diss’ers – are utterly, well, disrespectful – hate it, ugly, sick, repulsive and plainly Joghonno – (also in the words of Thakur Tagore, meaning awful) 

So that’s that.  Nature forbids the two come together – a miss match made on Earth if there is one.

So the truth is.  Love it – don’t expect to live it.

 It’s a tough act to follow. And you don’t live a life of cut and copy and paste and neither does your act of sex come together on an Edit table top! Got it? It’s reel – not real. 

So the next time you even think of demanding what you see in porn from your partner – consider what you yourself are bringing to the table – To the table, not ON the table. Bujhhlam?

Now the Dis’ser lot. Feel free to trash it. 

However do lend ear to the fact that it’s not for you to replicate – but just for some harmless fun, some sexy’fying, some excitement, and while it’s not exactly “ Rules of sex – Final Fact Version”  – but rather it’s just for shedding some inhibitions, spicing it up a bit. Still don’t like it – cool. 

Bottom line – can’t force it on anyone, can’t expect to replicate it, and mainly, can’t at all vilify nor victimize anyone who uses it, loves it, hates it, or even stars in it. Entirely a matter of Pachondo – do I have to say it again?

5. Men and Women Masturbation! To do or not to do?

Oh God, Final verdict – does not cause anyone any harm to anyone, will not make the world collapse, and will not make the dong fall off!! That’s it done.

End of Chapter. Myths abound, galore. Folks who worked on sexuality helplines in the early ’90s were answering questions about the possible “harms of masturbation” and online services today – are doing the same. 

Till date. 30 years down the line. The guy who began masturbating in the mid-’90s at say, age 15 is 45 or more today… but No. If there is a legacy he is going to hand over to his generations it is, “Masturbation Kills” – and he is a living example of the same!! 

Did you see how we are talking about only Him – of Men and the Male, in this conversation on Masturbation?  Well, that’s mere because what do women know about the M-word? What do they have to do with M? Right?

 WRONG. Another major “m” (here, Myth) is that women don’t know how to, never want to, don’t know how it feels, don’t have the desire… all nonsense.

Female Masturbation has almost just come out of the closet – any just like anything, just out of the closet – is still viewed with a certain doubt and disbelief.

Trash that now!! And here’s a fun fact – There is a World Masturbation Day – May 7th!! Mark it – on your phone and May this day bring you Joy and Happiness – alone and with your spesh one!! 

6. Is home remedy the ideal solution in every case?

Not unless it’s for a basic plain case of gas or constipation. And that’s where it ends. 

For God’s sake! There must be millions of stuff on why self-diagnosing and self-medication is not a good idea. We come from a country of home remedies – from applying ghee to a burning vagina to dipping a  penis in ice water – for results only the heavens can anticipate!!

“Hell” No to both and many more such. Please see a doctor and dump that Jhola Chaap. Your body is your address – keep it ready for visitors, not nosy nobody.

The problem at hand can be more serious than just an attack of gas which by the way could be a Heart attack in disguise – and delaying or postponing attention is actually worsening the problem, not improving it.

We spend so much on our daily bakwaas – a once in a while trip to a specialist – is very worth it in comparison – wouldn’t you say? It’s like saying to yourself – I love myself enough to invest in a physician and intervention – because I am worth it!

7. Why you must stop self diagnosis TODAY?

No!! No!! No, you don’t have STD or Corona or HIV – because you have not got a “test”, have you?  No – the symptoms you are reading on the net for this awful tummy ache is not a ruptured ulcer – so don’t jump to conclusions. Yes, today you are bluesy – no you are not Bi-Polar or any other such.

But self-diagnosis can make you really Nuts. So quit it. You have a set of symptoms – see a doctor. You are the expert on what your body, head, and heart feel like – Tune in – Listen. And if something feels not alright – go seek counsel. 

Do you know so many people have lost all their land life savings to just thinking and overthinking, “something is wrong with me.””.

They go to such lengths to prove it to themselves without any help or correct guidance. Test upon test, such unrest.

To see a doctor – get assured and relax. Remember Search Engines are not doctors – they are merely means to find them.

8. What’s the right and the best way of dealing with hurtful rejections?

Oh Horrible. Apparently the feeling of being rejected – is considered to be as painful as a boxing bout!! So says – I guess someone who has felt it – not essentially in a boxing ring. So that makes all of us – at some time or the other. 
Some may have got knocked out in the first round, some got bashed about till the last one. It still hurts does. Now! What do you see a beaten boxer do – bleed, fall, stagger, fall again, lay flat, all of that and??
And GET UP. Get Up on your feet and get ready – try again and again and finally, the bout ends in a loss,  they also raise their arm – in a, I agree somewhat dejected stance – however indicating to the world and the ‘opponent’ – I gave it my best shot.
I have learned a lot from this episode, I am going now and I’ll be back – ready and strong.  And that’s exactly how “rejection” needs rejection ‘ needs to be handled I say. 
So you gave the relationship your best – and it came with a shelf life over.  Hurt, weep, cry, OD on carbs… for a while… and then be, The Beautiful Boxer – graceful, stronger, and back in the ring. Yes?

9. Is getting a BIKINI WAX the right thing to do?

Now this discussion can go from Not to 60 in half a second. The jury’s out on this one, still. Verdict Pending. 

Technical folks say – the hair is a cushion and a barrier to the land of down under.  So whatever can come between 2 fingers keep – the rest snip away.

But now. There are salons – you can get a coiffeur or you can get as clean as a whistle. All parts from the hirsute to the downy – can undergo – well wax, creams, razors, and even Laser. On the other hand, we have the arduous grazer- who is quite protective about his brood’s bush – and maybe their own as well.

All in all – Up to you and ya – the partner. The eternal conundrum will exist between the Razor and Grazer.

Whatever be the final choice – keep yourself very clean, very safe when you are using any kind of devices or products – not exactly the Prairies nor Pampas – that’s very tricky terrain down there and all those parts – jewels of the Crown.  

10. Healthy is sexy! The new mantra we all must follow.

Too tight tops and too bright lipsticks, a size smaller jeans, and a bigger size jock – umm umm – not cutting the mustard anymore.  Not sexy and definitely not an advertorial for Healthy either.

Keeping yourself fit, committed to some self-time, some efforts at being safe, not taking your health and body for granted – now that shows a commitment – to self, and hopefully, we assume will spin to the other as well. 

I bumped into a young woman the other day – ok – bit XL but running it, in short shorts – I tell you Owing her body. Impressive.  Until… she finished off her  introduction with, “I don’t care about this corona shorona.”Umm Umm. Done and dusted.

Days of being Cavalier about health – so gone. So watch what goes into your mouth – make sure it’s clean and good for you and then find ways to balance your mind and body, share it with the other, show some love to your own health and others and see how that becomes really quite sexy too. 

12. Is female virginity that a bigger deal?

Alias, Lost, Chole Geche, Gone Girl … Shut Up. It’s a teeny tissue, it’s broken. It’s not a character certificate you need to show every person you meet. I am an honest human being, but…I’ve lost something – MY JEWEL!

Damaged Goods that is me now.”” Utter Rubbish! Stop it.  Stop handing over this all-encompassing power to the other.  – Beginning any relationship with an apology for having had sex before, or having lost the Gem.

If your partner can’t see you for who you are, for what you bring to the relationship and all your goodness is trash in comparison to a sexual history – then it’s time – for them to be – history. Cut it out. Begin with yourself, Please. 

12. Are you faking it to satisfy your man’s ego? Stop right there!

“Allow me to elsewhereelse where write on ways you can do it and why you ought not to – in an Orgasmna…” Enough to be said on those matters. Let’s sum it with a YES. Yes women do it – a Lot.

And No you need not. If you need to fake it – means something not kosher in that chemistry – Today or ever?  It is as if women have been tutored – “you too must finish” so that he feels more powerful?

”Ahh see – I can make any woman. Pandering to a “frailty”, Ladies? And Gentlemen, stop the need questions. “” Did you? Big or Small.…” Since faking it is the special menu special.  Hear me. It’s actually a tiny lie, fib – and that is a trust matter, no? 

You do it once and more, a disconnect forms with your partner, very tough to get back – too much pressure on both of you.

So it’s not happening, it’s not – another time, another style, a new repertoire of foreplay perhaps? Nothing right about a Fake – however expensive it may be,  Yes?

13. Can ORAL SEX be the cause of HIV and OS?

Good news: – You LIKE and WANT Oral Sex. Thumbs Up. Bad news: – Someone has already dissed it for you, sowing seeds of doubt.  Oral sex causes HIV. ( and as an aside, also cancer!! ( Hell, No) ) So hear it.  HIV and OS, Chances – very low. Now comes the pallbearer.

UNLESS you have a cut or sore unless you have bleeding gums unless you have an open wound. unless you use a dental dam, unless you know their OS History–unless you eat spicy food unless you went to a dentist.

How about Unless you Bung up –  Zip it. Nothing is going into your mouth – EVER. Ok Perhaps all these Unless have a worth, but hey – haven’t you been reading?

What did we say about Health? Do now please, kiss or come breathing distance close to anyone with open sores, cuts, wounds, bloody body parts ( ok can make a concession there).

Why in the world will you offer your mouth or genitals – if any such situation presents itself.  Hell, No. 

And More so – if genitals are similar symptom bearers, – would you want them in your MOUTH?  Use your EYES – look, see, find! “And if need be Postpone.”

Yes means Yes and, No means No. – It does not mean Maybe Perhaps. Those are two separate categories. So, few facts.

All parties have to give clear consent. – If it’s not clear, Ask!… So do I consider that a “yes” or , I am guessing that’s a “ No “, or alright, “let’s wait till you’re sure”.

Now, consent can be given at any time, can be taken back at any time., “Those are the ways of the Lord. You are master of your body, of your desires and choices. Anyone pushing any boundary at any time – Perp Alert!! I tell you, easier said than done.

For both partners. You like the person, so you don’t want to hurt them by being a Wuss, but you end up feeling like one for not saying what you meant – who’s the Wuss now. 

You “allow the” the person to do what they are, coz you don’t want to lose them , you don’t know how to say No! “You suddenly become the “Good Girl”,”Lovely Boy”– hark back childhood, (No Chinna, Don’t say No, …”

15. How to tackle ghosting?

Yeah – that’s you, Dude! Call it out – call the shots – you got Ghosted! So freaking what. Unless, you were out shopping for the booze for the Bachelor party and the 9-yard sari for the wedding reception, already. Then ya,  You are the Munja here. 

The other side of online dating. Swipe select commit .. s the right side. The flip is, Gone out of the window – literally in this case! You are already ready for your daily routine – another ‘party’ – does not show… 2 days gone.

Search Ops begin! FBI scours the surface of Social Media-  Instagram, FB, e-mail, ityadi. Nopes! Can’t find it’s like a perfect advert for vanishing cream! Ghosted Dude. Gone. So now what. Stalk, find out, land up at the doorstep of all the Kartiks in South, find where Alka is – all 5780of them?

Get over it ya – let it go. Something’s gotta give. If they can do this after all that you both invested then well, they were not showing their real side to you were they. There was some hiding happening and you don’t want to be with a hider – let me assure you. Secretiveness is never sexy, it’s creepy.

And hey you Ghosties, Don’t be creepy ya – just be upfront, Say a Cheerio before you Go-Go. I mean, it’s not like the other person is collapsing if you do exit!  The bottom line is, Can Happen Will Happen, Don’t get too bothered about it. It’s a part of the whole online scene.  

16. Let’s break the long prevailed myths around men stereotypes.

And particularly for men.  No way can a man get away with possessing or displaying any set of emotions which remotely border on the softer side. Anh Anh!!  Showing empathy, sadness, grief, or God Forbid taking the other person/ genders’ side when a ‘Bro’ is involved – It’s an SOS call.

And all this apparently acts out pretty cruelly in the real world, particularly where men are trying to just Nail It – No, not the Love front ( only) the Job Front, the work arena.  Where manhood needs to be proved and approved, almost every day, 3 times a day.

And because showing any of these – is a sure shot in your own foot – Men just bury it. ‘Vulnerable’, Who me?

Hell No. I’m fine… Just Fynnneee!! And then comes a Swipe Right- and Oh Ho – Brute force will get you beyond a “hello” in the online space Bro! So break that code, be it at work or online dating.

it’s really ‘normal’ ( and unfortunately, not so common)  to own up to feelings, cos’ you know what, no one feels ‘high emotions‘ all the time, – No, No One! So when you do – that’s fine.

That’s cool actually – you may not have the lexicon, yet – but showing empathy, understanding, vulnerability, weakness, confusion … is all Ok ! Prepare for the time when you are able to say, “ am I the only feminist in the room?

17. It’s time we give our immunity and health the much needed attention!

No, not you and your partner. Suppressed Immunity and Infections.  Particularly some of them. So let’s say HIV – AIDS. Where the ‘I’ stands for Immunity or lack of it! So in our country and hereabouts, once your Immunity is lowered – in the case of HIV – AIDS, the other one you may have to watch out for – is TB.

Only because it’s so rampant in our part of the world and hereabouts.  Both HIV and TB are not at all ‘classist’ – anyone can get it – just like that. It’s a commonly seen infection in the course of a positive person’s life.

And so is Herpes. Not the sexual kind, the skin kind, also called, Shingles.  So what’s key to this is – a person whose Immune system is impacted – they are at a much bigger risk of picking up an infection from the “allegedly healthy “person.

So hey – whose responsibility is it now to keep the immunity suppressed person fit and fine. Your Gringos!!

Don’t bring your damn viruses and bacteria around the room where someone is already Immune suppressed. Use basic hygiene and condoms! Keep your Dingbat Germs under Control and check  Man!! 

18. Call It Out

Pata nahi chalta. Meaning, you don’t get to know. It’s happening, it’s ongoing, it’s there but you don’t see it – or say you don’t want to. Control and Manipulation often come cloaked and care and offer protection and safety and the famous words, “it’s for you own good, Baby”.

So now it’s up to you.  Keep an eye for Red Flags and I tell you – there are many. Make your own list of NN – ie Nonnegotiable and stick with them. Even I f you like h other person, onehellavalot! Because the same person has the potential to hurt you, onehellavalot, in many big and small ways. 

It’s much easier to spot if it’s direct  – like a physical attack, a shove a push, a slap… No doubt there. And then, it can be very covert, “ Shaan hates me to go out after 8 alone”, even Shaan is surprised – but she surely has painted pictures of Shaan for you.

And say Shaan says – “No baby when did I stop you?’ “Oh ‘O!! “” You want me o get hit and raped, don’t you””.

One girl said to me, ‘ I called him 113 times and it only when I was at his office did he take my 114 calls. How callous can he be”. Alternately, “ My baby is a sexy slut – look at her butt on the dance floor”.

Eh? What? Or /And, “Baby don’t let anyone see how sexy you are – I mean, it makes your gal pals so jealous of you”.

You suddenly become the receiver and the cause of the abuse.  Call Out this kind of behavior– Ok, let’s say, the very second time. Time One, we give as a benefit of doubt – Time Two – No more! It’s time to go Delete!

19. A kid came over

Oh my GOD!!  And I had to resort to an alcoholic beverage after it left!  And before it came over – I was cooking cleaning, grating, washing, boiling, double boiling…. When it was here I was running, rushing, gushing, pushing, hushing, and flushing. When it went away, I was cuddling – not myself or my lover but my little dog who was TRAUMATISED by the tiny thing. 

And all this when I was well prepared and well informed – I also know the kid from before, from how his Mom describes it, I was THERE when it came out into the world and  – it’s NOTHING like It, At all. !!  Oh my GOD, once again!! Got me thinking!! All this for just one day – and I am hitting the bottle.

And there is a young couple who are shaking a bottle, 3 times a day – 2 times at night – for at least 12 MORE months to come. NEWSFLASH!!  Babies are no child’s play!! Absolutely and Strictly For Adults ONLY, that proposition. 

So if you are getting any shove, any lip from anyone – including you are doing it to yourself – playing up to some deep-seated stereotype – QUIT IT NOW. Grow up. Get very Adult – before you get anywhere near getting pregnant – Both of you!! PLAN!!  Your life,  your retirement, your money, your house and space ( kids are very mobile and very tough – this one pushed all my grandfather’s furniture just laying on the floor) Your finances, your job, Covid, Tsunami, support systems, rituals of your families and their neighbors!

Also, plan the next time you will have sex – ( 24 months ahead – not because you can’t – but because you won’t be able ) Make very GOOD friends with your neighbors, keep your house help handy and happy, ensure all the equipment in the house works …did I say finance already?  Yup – needed on an everyday basis. 

Turn the page – more instructions follow – once you give a tick off on ALL, yes ALL – then and Only then, search up that Ovulation Calendar – till then reach out for that Condom, read up on all acts non- penetrative, and keep a Plan B ready – all the time! That’s such a Contraceptive Technology Pun!! Hope you got it – NO? Just failed the “Ready to get baby Test”, baby! Better luck next time.  

20. Find out if you are in love or not. Clear signs!

But how do you know!! How will you tell if it’s just a passing phase or here to stay? You are in luck because I did some search and we found too much information. Apparently, there are signs. Psychological ones Do a checklist and see how many you get as ticks and how many crosses

  1. It feels different from regular love – or your friend or colleague or cousin. It’s more heady and more euphoric.  
  2. You keep looking at them and in the online space, for them. Any message, any sign, any indication? Took the same quiz as you did, seen the same doodle as you have. YAY!! Not to miss,  looking at their photos, till you know each mole and follicle… just a nice way to start and end your day. 
  3. You put off your usual activities. Out goes the walk, shift the gym timing, crash the music class…this is much more fun and crucial
  4. Even their wrong seems right. “She eats Tomato sauce with ice cream – so TASTY”. “He wears his undies on this pants – SO COOL””
  5. They are all you can think about !! bye, bye productivity!!
  1. You want to get something physical with them. Just a touch, a ‘friendly’ smack, a push back of hair, a brush off an extra crease…who are you kidding! 
  2. You find them emerging in your other conversations as well, like taking their name often. Sakshi said, Sakshi will say, I am sure Sakshi will…Raj, Geeta, Guru, Feis, Pearl…
  3. You are suddenly very optimistic and hopeful – for them and for yourself. Mr/ Ms. Bluesy is now the new Love All!!

So where do you fare? I’d say 2 ticks are enough to get you thinking – This looks like Love!

21. Casual sex is a thing of the past now? Let’s innovate some creative online ways!

Can’t see the person – they are masked, and not as sexy as old Zorro. They don’t want to touch you, so no shake hands nor physical gestures of affection.  Confined at home with a family of all shapes and forms – so no “your place or mine” offers either.

Has Corona Killed Casual Sex?  So it would seem now.  Risk has a new phase and a new face and it’s masked. So what’s it going to be? Sex online?  How easy is that, with ‘periappa’ in the next room and you share with your cousin whose office is closed?  What’s going to happen to those one night / many night stands?

Those pick up in a bar and then no Baar Baar after? Where will sex with no strings attached go? What will happen to the guy whose only conversation is pick-up lines. Or the girl who is doing the stuff with no added baggage of commitments and lovers. Kahan gaye woh din? This is the new, “ in our time” opener.

“In our times we could Tinder, Grinder anytime we wanted with anyone we wanted – all you needed was a condom. “” But that was all BC – Before Corona. Now it’s PC and nothing polite about that.

Forget PC if things continue this way – you perhaps are poised on even forgetting how converse. You will need a PC to get talking to anyone hereafter.  Which reminds me of the one race who is having it good is the Stalker – are they the new Gurus in this game? 

Now that everyone is home, bored – are they playing the field – so many more to stalk and hassle? I tell you Corona has sounded a Death Knell on much, casual sex is a major casualty. 

22. Content too complicated to follow and understand.

What’s the most common ‘drishya’ that comes to your mind when you think of a sex scenario?. 

Boy will broach – check the mood, make subtle suggestions, check the general feeling….

Then, Boy will approach- will you, should we, may I, if you don’t mind … 

And all this while, she is smiling, guiding, leading, coyness coupled with “come hither” – not to lose the opportunity entirely. 

Then he gets emboldened and begins to intensify the moves and she? She, who was pretty damn keen – now does a turn around and the clear message of “ Am IN”” suddenly get converted into, “”aisee bhi kya jaldi hai”” ie “” what’s the hurry honey””, going even as far as. “” you are just into one thing””

Well, Aren’t you Sweetie – aren’t you, into that One thing – twice – if we can? Why the sudden change over? It’s not as if she is saying – ‘I changed my mind, I’m taking my YES back’. 

It’s like ‘I want to – but not now, soon, later…! Not coz she is being a tease but suddenly she seems to have donned this mantle of the National Guard of Vagina and Vulvas. Vulvas are NOT = Volvos, Einshtein. 

She becomes the protector and keeper of the Faith of all women’s bodies and abilities to say – YAY!

It’s almost as if the memo got resent, marked ‘URGENT- ATTN GIRLS!!’ Watch your V’JayJay! Guard your Poochie – You are In Charge of NO discharge!  

It’s almost as if she has to prove her worth and save her and all womanhood by being the Procrastinator to Pleasure, the Flag Bearer of Bill and Coo.

Women have to make it seem – she wants it – but not yet –Time and Tide, Wait for ONE.

That’s an exhausting performance. Ditch it!

 You aren’t the Gatekeeper of ‘’Villa In a while, Crocodile. 

 In fact, don’t take that job for anything. Money cant by ma Love, baby!!

23. Are you emotionally feeling sad? Here’s the reason why?

From the best, mind-blowing, awesome Orgasms, you can come down to feeling pretty damn bluesy. You may even identify it as feeling sad.

So what is it? Was the sex bad? Nopes. Is your partner a jerk? Nopes! Are you thinking of what Mommy will say or are the images of your local priest showing up?

Sex was fishy, bad, poor, the worst? Never going to get laid again, Nopes! Then what is it? Why are you sad ?!

Lemme tell ya. Don’t sweat it pal. The thing is – acts of sex are known to be kinda emotional investments as well – like lets say even if its casual – you at least like the person – a little bit – even if that – so see – that’s an emotion.

Say you don’t – it’s sympathy sex – so that’s an emotion. Guilt sex? Eeeemotion! SO. Once you get them emotions, once the act is over – you could feel – umm roughly put – a sort of separation from the persona and the feeling – so you feel – sad.

Then, before and during – oh ho. Dolphins and endorphins – all doing a dance in your body and mind, you go up to elation and then, zoop – all fall down.

So does your mood. Like you stretch an elastic band –pull pull pull and when you leave it – it springs with a tension and in a jiffy just fizzles out.

That’s you. Fizzling from sizzling. Why am I telling you this? Because it’s legit. Don’t worry. Don’t doubt yourself or your partner.

Don’t write them off – now you know why you got the blues, not because of them or something wrong with you, coz your body and mind are playing tricks. Give it another chance – always a good idea.

24. Who will decide what’s the ACCEPTED way of dressing up?

Who decides the next outfit you buy? Mummy? Kim Kardashian? Her male equivalent? The X Ray eyes of the Aunties and Uncles of the neighborhood? OR your Bf?

I met a beautiful woman the other day dressed differently from what one usually sees her. Tighter pants than before, compliments piling in that she timidly agreed- looks quite nice no?

Even my son allowed me to go out like this. SON!! Let’s not even get started on the husbands/wives/lovers.

You want to wear anything, go do it. No issue at all. Anyone apart from your parents trying to tear you down for looking, too fat, too thin, too sexy, too dull, too appealing, too ….whatever, is just too much.

It’s a very clever way of breaking you down, shakin’ your confidence – don’t let it happen. Now how come we don’t hear this sort of a thing with Gentlemen – or am I mistaken.

25. When you have something to say or share, is your partner available or interested?

Has this thought gone across your mind ever so often? So many times before – and well – just stayed there – in your head? Have you wanted to say it out, but well, didn’t because you know why? No one is really listening – are they?

No one is really saying – Ya ya – sure please tell me what you got on your mind. Nope, that’s not happening! If that be the case – a bit too often – you have some consideration to do. The partner who is present but not there, the saathi who is more of a haathi – lost in their own world – not bothered to know what’s going on with you is not the person you want to spend your long time with.

Comes back to the good ole C-word – no, not Covid – Communication.  Perhaps more than that. I’d put a lot of power behind a partner who is keen to hear your opinion, your thoughts, and ideas and is keen to ask you about how you feel today, about any of your favorite pet projects, about an issue you are passionate about – be it global warming or stray animals. That the next time you simply utter, I have something to say, they are all ears and all heart with their face and eyes.

26. Never lose yourself when trying to fit in someone else’s life.

Before a day dawns and you are wondering who that person is in the mirror. Relations and lovers are very tricky. They begin with ‘just love everything about you, you are so cool.’ And soon enough opinions begin to emerge.

And soon they become so many and so frequent. It’s almost like you become someone who you never were. I tell you what – it’s going to come and bite you in your butt, sooner or later.

Not saying don’t adjust with the partner, sure, but I am also saying don’t go so much of the extra mile that you stopped walking a while ago. A guy walks into a room, wearing a particular kind of shirt, say local hand block cotton.

Big departure from the solids and stripes he’s worn all his life. She gives me so many of these. It really helps the artisan.

Okkkkk!! From ”I hate makeup””, to “Girls must enhance”. Oh ho – when did that happen? And this and many of these apart – I’ve seen people either switch over or then just clam up – coz it doesn’t go so well with the partner.

I tell you what. One day you will get up to realize, it doesn’t sit so well with you either. So ya, no harm in making some small adjustments, as long as it’s a two-way street and it’s not asking away from you what you like about yourself. 

27. Too many opinions can be harmful to you!

Frankly, opinions are welcome. However, if they are coming on and on about almost everything about you and yours, from your job to your boss to your family and your dog and the food you’ve cooked for yourself, and the tie or tights you wear and how close you stand to your colleagues to how that black stuff you put in your eyes is not working for you, and all the more, are very soon, not going to be working either,  for you both.

So set boundaries. Discuss on what matters you are ready for inputs and on what not. Often this is just a vent-out session so listen carefully. That’s all – Listen.  Give the “input” fairly and sparingly – unless asked for.

Believe me –will take you long and far!! You have convictions, ideas, and opinions, voice them but also be open to hearing diverse views in the room. Some of them can be equally passionate to you.

28. Bygones Better Gone

There are two things which are a real waste of time, energy, and emotion. One. Holding on to something that just went past. Two. A word said out of turn, a comment which came out wrong, an opinion which sounded like an insult.

So what. I’d say, in the words of one of the greatest artists of all times “Let it be”. Why you may ask, For Love I say. Just that. Do it for love, not just one time – a few good times – make that effort.

Make quite a few efforts. And then you, Waste No 2.  You F*&^ it up, Big time  – and you know it. Own it. You are allowed to make mistakes too, you know.

Apologize, make amends, not once – many times – for the same reason – Love. Kick your own butt, again many times but then – that’s it. It’s done, it’s dusted, it’s Over. You’ve learnt something about yourself – that you can be a jerk of sorts – forgive it – don’t forget it. 

Hopefully, your partner will show the same magnanimity – the Let it be. Something is just better buried and left behind.

But ya, now don’t go being too smart and do something heinous and come back with a “” I made a mistake””- no one’s fool enough to let you get away with that. 

29. Social misfits or trying too hard to be different to fit in?

Everyone wants to be different and yet many of us don’t really like to stand out or be the center of attention. Both are good as long as you both know what you are in for.

The trouble is the one who wants to be different – a little too desperately or trying too hard to be different!! Now I love a couple who are poles apart as long as they are in it together, he is a dainty dithering daisy, she a blazing siren and they are so good together – a perfect score.

But here comes the other. The partner who is so into themselves that they forget that they may be making you and others uncomfortable.

The partner who is so into ‘I am so cool’ that they forget that they are looking like the village fool and making you look like one too. Tell me, how many times have you been in a situation where a pal has asked you about your ”partner”” – “”Are you sure””? “”

You can do better””… and when things go south – a pal will say “” have you lost your mind””. You feel upset – you stick up for the partner who you have chased and courted over the App and now this?

Hell’s Kitchen. But Time to brave up. Let me sum it up – a person who has no regard for your dignity in public – who has no sensitivity towards what you or your friends and family may be feeling – is not worthy to partner with. Better apart than apart. Done. 

30. Is loneliness the right reason for getting married?

I am so lonely, I have no one to love, no one loves me, I’m the only one not hitched or married, I have no one to go to movies with, when will I wear my sexy first night nighty… Oh GOD… when will you shut up!

Yes? You all feel me, No? YES, you do. And this is exactly the reason why you don’t want to be with this sort of person or be this sort of a person. I tell you being lonely is really no good reason to get married.

A relationship needs people who come into it with full gusto, with readiness and gusto, and not because they are looking for a “Get out of Jail free” card.

Getting married ‘coz you’re lonely is like moving from the sofa to the couch. It’s not the role of the partner (the not so lonely) to entertain you out of your loneliness, to keep you cheerful and in a good mood, to repair your sad situation.

That’s a LOT of expectations from a relationship. You marry or get together because you like each other, love the company, the person makes you feel good about yourself, etc.

Marriage, courting, app dating – Oh my God – you need all your wits about you – so shake off those blues and get ready to jazz it up, otherwise, this is not your game, baby. 

31. The initial signs of cheating to pay close heed to!

Ok first Look, people, this is a dating app and not a deal made at the Notary in the High Court of Love. This is the place where less is limiting and more is scoring. Initially – it’s like a bit of a buffet.

You keep some and you don’t keep many. You do a “smart selection” and then you “taste the samples.” Some you push off your plate on the first bite and the selected few you go back for seconds for and again, you choose what worked for you and finally you end your meal with what you liked best.

The one “dishy’’ serving. Meal and deal over. But you also want to know, did you end up on the second selection or have you been pushed off the plate – hell yes. After all, you are doing the same.

So suddenly they don’t have time to chat as much – only because they joined the Gym.

Suddenly, a new wardrobe has appeared, suddenly the language/lexicon you shared is very different, suddenly your “” faults”” are becoming too discussed and suddenly the sex talk has taken a toss and suddenly you are becoming too demanding/questioning! 

32. In the journey of finding love, is ignoring your friends acceptable?

The first to get kicked off the board when the stranger in the App becomes so perfect are friends. No time for buddies. You start dating/ looking to keep them very close. They know you, they have seen you, they may not be your best but they are right there- flesh and bone.

The newbie is still a newbie. Take advice. Ask for it. Think about it and even “test out what they have to say. We all know that Love can be very liberating and can make a fool out of a philosopher because we just don’t want anything or anyone to bust the beautiful bubble we are immersing ourselves in.

You miss seeing the signs, the red flags. You miss the small nuances, the small demands, the tiny jibes. But you know who doesn’t – Your PAL. And you know who gets the most flak – Your PAL.

You never have enough time, you always talk about the ”potential”, you are always asking them to make up your mind for you but not doing what they suggest, you’ve forgotten your own times together and everything is about you and your other.

For one, you are dull company now and for two, you are losing out – on your Dosti, Naṭpu, Bandhutba, Mitratā, Zuva!! In this dating thing, you will need a few people who will keep it real and objective for you – Pals and Friends.

And if things go sour – who’s going to be the person you hit the bottle with? And if things go great, who’s going to be the person you hit the bottle with? 

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