30 Funny Marriage Quotes That’ll Make You Smile


Relationships go through its ups and downs and a touch of humor can help couples get through it. When it comes to finding humor as an integral part of marriage, even celebrities, writers, comedians, and politicians have had their decent share. A mix of everything is a great strategy.

So somewhere with romance, inserting funny marriage quotes can add the right hint of flavor to your delicious marriage recipe. 

Therefore, to strike a magical balance and mix of all sentiments, here’s a list of some funny quotes about marriage that you can use to laugh it out with your spouse. Use the ones you like as per your wish! 

Checkout Funny Marriage Quotes

These funny Indian wedding quotes are short and snappy. Weave them into your marriage speech, wedding card, wishes, texts, chats, and they would even fit into your funny wedding countdown quotes. Have a look!

1. “Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.” – Mickey Rooney

2. “We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better and she couldn’t have done worse.” – Henry Youngman

3. “My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way.” – Henry Youngman

4. “Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature.” – Donatella in Letters to Juliet

5. “Marriage is not just spiritual communion and passionate embraces; marriage is also three-meals-a-day and remembering to carry the trash out.” – Joyce Brothers

6. “Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.” – Ogden Nash

7. “An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie

8. “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” – Benjamin Franklin

9. “Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the same time.” –  Chris Rock

10. “90% of being married is just shouting “what?” from other rooms.” – unknown

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11. “When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.” – Helen Rowland, American journalist

12. “Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr

13. “A man’s main job is to protect his woman from her desire to ‘get bangs’ every other month.”-   Dax Shepard

14. “Husbands and wives are irritating. But without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks?”- Janet Periat

15. “The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.'” – Anonymous

16. “Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.” – Clint Eastwood, American actor

17. “Why do married people live longer than single people? I think it’s because married people make a special effort to live longer than their partner – just so they can have the last word.” – Janet Periat

18. “Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” – Kathy Mohnke

19. “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” – Henny Youngman

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20. “My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.” – Winston Churchill, former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom

21. “A man doesn’t know what happiness is until he’s married. By then it’s too late.” – Frank Sinatra

22. “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” – Anne Bancroft

23. “Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell

24. “Because I always say, if you’re married for 50 years, and 10 of them are horrible, you’re doing really good!” – Michelle Obama

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25. “A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.”- Unknown

26. “You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!” – Bill Maher

27. “Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.” – George Bernard Shaw

28. ‘Counting down the days until someone other than [pet’s name] sees me in my wedding dress.’- Unknown

29. “I love being married. it’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life”- Unknown

30. “Do not expect that your husband will change after marriage. You will have to guide him through the process. Happy wedding!”- Unknown

Wrapping Up

We hope you laughed your way out through these funny marriage quotes, and we are pretty sure you must have found some relatable funny quotes about marriage too. So keep your list ready! 

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