Simply love? Not so simple.
Picture this: 25-something, traveled for work to a few countries, rock climbing for a hobby, has friends over for a barbecue and beer Sunday. Sounds like someone you know? Or is it you? Chances are, your family has already put you up on a couple of matchmaking sites and you go through an awful lot of “get it over with” boy-meets-girl-meets-boy meetings.
Love is not easy and love at first sight is mostly a Bollywood exaggeration. And here you are, meeting people you have never met before and with an intent. The intent to spend the rest of your life together. Makes you shift uneasily in that chair, doesn’t it?
We say, you should!
What happened to all the numerous times you thought about discovering an activity buddy in your life partner? What of the times you wanted a confidant to come home to and discuss complicated work issues with? That one who will understand even when not a word is spoken. The one who’ll know you had a rough day and let you dial down out of pressing needs at home.
Isn’t that what sharing a life is about?
Why then are you chasing people with tags of caste, money, appearances, language and interests?
Convenience is one thing and comfort is another. New age relationships aim at the latter. You could be from two different parts of the world but think along the same lines and voila! happiness is discovered. It may seem complicated at first but there is a method to the madness of discovering what works for every unique couple. All it really takes is getting a few basic principles to match and you’re good to go.
Setting expectations right is one unavoidable step if you’re looking for someone to share your life or even a day with you.
If s/he expects you to spend every Friday night in with him/her and you’re looking for someone who gives you space for a girls/boys night out once in a while, you need to talk. If you aren’t a top priority in your partner’s life, chances are that you may not get the attention you seek. Even so, compatibility isn’t set in stone, so don’t worry if your partner doesn’t understand why you like to eat dessert before the entrée. Just make sure you retain your individual awesomeness in the relationship as you get deeper involved.
Constructive criticism aside, letting someone make you feel less than great about yourself can be a blow to not just your self esteem, but even your relationship. If you’re going to change for someone, change for the better and not just because you have to adjust. We like the idea of exploring new facets and learning more and more about each other with every cup of coffee. With each step you take forward, compatibility starts to play a more prominent role because one fine day, the makeup will come off and following the same guruji won’t help you decide who pays the electricity bills and who does the cooking.
Don’t forget that accountability is critical in healthy relationships. Stand up for your opinions and embrace the responsibility that comes with the outcome instead of playing the blame game.
Nothing is uncomplicated when placed in the middle of Indian traditions, least of all marriage.
We don’t call it the Big Fat Indian Wedding for nothing. Everything takes superhuman effort and its hardly ever just a quick ceremony in a pristine temple with a dinner afterwards. Think more along the lines of a giant celebration for every tiny development, ranging from the first milna to the final see off and the following unputdownable dinner invites.
Organizing a shaadi is no mean feat and getting two people to really know each other, well enough to spend the rest of their lives together, without chucking grenades at each other is slightly harder. So how do we decide what works and what doesn’t?
Needless to say, meeting over chai isn’t enough to understand exactly how long your proposed better half spends hogging the loo every morning- especially when it’s an arranged match.
Different couples adopt different ways to figure out their compatibility quotient and we support them all!
Anything to avoid the galti of investing your time, trust and effort in the wrong person. You don’t have to take a holiday together or start sharing an apartment to really know the person you’re with, and hiring a jasoos might just be going a little overboard. How about just setting all the pre-wedding drama to one side and focusing on the marriage? That’s all the bride and groom really have to do, don’t they. Find a way to find love before just saying kubul hai and giving the extended parivaar a reason to party.
Include your lover in your existing life before creating a new one. Meet his/her friends, take the cousins shopping and cook up a meal together. Do whatever it takes to break the ice but make sure you do! Once your foundation is solid, you’ll be as disaster proof as possible and that’s half the work done right there.
The little things go a long way and being boring is not an option, so we highly recommend getting the ball rolling in the compatibility field before tying the knot.